The Ledger

By Patricia McClellan 

Every now and then, my mind wanders into places it probably has no business going. I start wondering about things that have absolutely no bearing on my life, yet somehow require my immediate attention. Before you know it, I have gone down the rabbit hole trying to find the answers to these burning questions.

For instance, if we’re supposed to expect the unexpected, doesn’t that make the unexpected expected?

And does the man who lives inside my GPS ever get frustrated with me?

He calmly says, “Turn right.”

I turn left.

His silent eye roll is deafening.

He sounds perfectly calm, but I can hear the judgment in his voice. Does he ever want to say, “Lady, I’m out. You’re on your own!”

Why, when I’m lost, do I turn the radio down? In reality, I’m turning down the GPS, too. Apparently, being lost isn’t exciting enough—I want to totally disconnect from the mothership.

Danger, Will Robinson! Danger!

Then there’s the refrigerator.

How do I know the light goes off when I close the door?

I know there’s a switch. I understand the mechanics. But have I ever actually witnessed that light go off?

For all I know, that little bulb stays on all night, partying with the mustard and keeping the leftovers company.

And who counted all the stars in the sky?

Seriously. Who had that job?

Just exactly where is the middle of nowhere? If there’s a middle, there must be boundaries. Otherwise, wouldn’t it just be… nowhere?

I’ve also always wondered about the Hokey Pokey.

What if the Hokey Pokey really is what it’s all about?

We’ve been putting our left foot in, taking our left foot out, shaking it all about for years. Maybe we should have been paying closer attention.

And while we’re on the subject of things that don’t make sense, what about the lady in the commercial who falls down and cries, “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!” Why doesn’t the cameraman give her a hand? Apparently, his union contract doesn’t cover being a nice guy.

I suppose I’ll never know the answers to the questions that keep me searching for rabbit holes.

But maybe that’s okay.

Growing older has taught me that not every question needs an answer. Sometimes it’s enough to wonder, laugh at the ridiculous things our minds come up with, and enjoy the fact that life still gives us plenty to ponder.

Although I would still like to know about that refrigerator light.

And I’m keeping an eye on that GPS guy.

I don’t trust his “recalculating.”