The Ledger

Torn Wings Still Fly

By Jennifer Greene-Sullivan

Yesterday, I had a conversation with one of my students that stayed with me long after he left my classroom. At Open House, he admitted that he was nervous about English. Yesterday, his demeanor had completely changed.

“Ms. Greene, this is my favorite class, and you are my favorite teacher.”

“Really?” I asked.

His response came quickly. “Yes! Do you not like us?”

His question surprised me because I absolutely adore my students this year. We are having fun, working hard, and learning together. I assured him that, of course, I liked them.

“I just find it surprising that you all like me,” I admitted.

He reassured me before hurrying with his classmates to the next class. I sat there smiling, feeling a little sense of accomplishment.

Then, the Lord showed me something.

For two years, I had slowly convinced myself that I was no longer teaching because I wasn’t a good teacher. I told myself I was too old, too tired, too out of touch. Eventually, I even wondered whether I was smart enough to teach anymore.

The longer I entertained those thoughts, the more reasonable they sounded.

Ultimately, fear does not become truth simply because we repeat it long enough.

I had allowed the circumstances surrounding my departure from teaching to become a verdict about my ability to teach. Somewhere along the way, I had come into agreement with lies about something God had created and equipped me to do.

Perhaps we do this more often than we realize.

What if I fail? What if I am too old? What if I have been away too long? What if I am not good enough? What if people don’t receive me?

We can spend so much time answering the “what ifs” that we talk ourselves right out of serving others with the gifts God has given us.

First Peter 4:10 tells us, “As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace.”

Our gifts were never intended to stop with us.

Paul also reminded Timothy to “fan into flame the gift of God,” followed by the familiar reminder that God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power, love, and self-control.

Maybe instead of asking, “What if I can’t?” we need to ask another question.

What if God really did equip me for this?

Perhaps an even more important one: What if someone else needs me to use what God has given me?

A few days ago, a boy walked into my classroom wondering whether he could handle English. His teacher walked into this school year wondering whether she could still teach it.

Yesterday, neither of us was asking the same question anymore.

Do not let the “what ifs” speak louder than the One who called you. Step forward. Serve someone. Fan the gift into flame.

Fear may clip our confidence for a season, but it cannot revoke God’s calling.

Torn wings still fly.