The Ledger

By Becky Holland

Sometimes the most important lessons in life come when we least expect them.

Mine came today in a nursing home room, courtesy of my 91-year-old mother, a cup of medicine and a little help from Daddy.

Momma was being stubborn.

Now, those of you who know my mother know that stubbornness is a new personality trait. But today, she was putting her foot down about taking her medicine. She didn’t want it, and apparently nobody was going to convince her otherwise.

So the nursing home called me.

I was in the middle of doing something for a client, but I stopped what I was doing and headed over.

When I arrived, I got the medicine from the nurse and walked into Momma’s room. We talked for a minute, and then I handed her the cup.

“Momma, I need you to drink this. I made it using Daddy’s recipe.”

She took a sip.

One sip.

And then I found myself doing something that felt incredibly strange.

I used my firm voice.

You know the one. The voice our mothers used when we were children and they weren’t asking us to do something anymore. They were telling us.

“Momma, drink that. Daddy wanted you to drink it. He made sure I knew how to make it.”

And wouldn’t you know it?

She drank the whole thing.

Every last drop.

I stood there thinking about how strange life can be. There was a time when Momma was the one telling me what to do, and there was absolutely no question about whether I was going to do it.

Now the roles have reversed.

And I don’t particularly like that part of life.

I don’t like having to be firm with my mother. I don’t like watching her struggle with things that once came so easily. And I certainly don’t like the reminder that the woman who spent so many years taking care of me now needs me to help take care of her.

But today, being uncomfortable wasn’t nearly as important as making sure she got the medicine she needed.

And on the way home, I started thinking.

How often do we avoid doing something because it makes us uncomfortable?

How often do we remain silent because speaking up might upset somebody?

How often do we compromise our convictions because we don’t want to be the odd person out?

Or because the cool kids have decided that something else is more popular?

There’s a difference between being stubborn for the sake of being stubborn and standing firm because something genuinely matters.

And there’s a difference between standing up for what we believe and trying to force everyone else to believe it, too.

We cannot make other people do what we think they should do. We cannot shame or guilt them into speaking up, participating or taking a stand. Nor should we.

But we can decide what kind of people we’re going to be.

We can choose honesty when dishonesty would be easier. We can choose courage when silence would be more comfortable. We can choose kindness when frustration tempts us to be unkind.

And we can hold true to our principles even when doing so doesn’t earn us a seat at the popular table.

That doesn’t mean we’re always right. Sometimes standing on principle also means having the humility to admit when we’re wrong.

It means making decisions based on our conscience rather than applause.

I’ve reached a point in my life where being liked by everybody isn’t nearly as important as being able to look myself in the mirror and know I’ve tried to do what’s right.

That doesn’t mean I don’t care what people think. I’m human. Of course I care.

But I can’t let other people’s approval become the measuring stick for my character.

In the grand scheme of things, popularity fades. Opinions change. Crowds come and go. But the decisions we make and the way we treat people along the way are things we have to live with.

And sometimes doing the right thing means doing something we would much rather avoid.

Like speaking an uncomfortable truth.

Like standing alone when everyone else seems to be walking in another direction.

Or like looking your 91-year-old mother in the eye and using that firm voice you never imagined you’d have to use with her

Maybe that’s the greatest lesson of all.

Doing what’s right should never be about proving we’re stronger, smarter or better than somebody else. It should come from love, responsibility and a desire to do some good.

Sometimes doing what’s right and called for isn’t about being comfortable.